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A scream ripped through the night, it was finally smothered by the hands of death. I ran as hard and fast as I could, I needed to get away before I harmed another person, friend or foe. why me? I asked my self over and over again as my bare feet pounded the forest floor, taking me far away from that dreadful scene. The minutes before that incident were clear in my memory but they made so little since to me. I went over them as my feet found the familiar animal trails I used often.
Nila was laughing at a joke I had made.
“Fol if the Eldress heard you say that her hair looks like a rotting raccoon, well you’d be right dead you would.” Said Nila with another giggle. My real name is Folmier , but everyone calls me Fol for short.
“Well it does!” I jumped over a tree root as we searched through the forest looking (not very well I mighty add) for some game. Does Nila have to make so much noise? I thought as I silently raked the forest with my amber eyes. My eyes had caused a lot of people to resent me at first but they eventually accepted me, I brought in more food then most of the hunters.
“Well be sure never to let the El-” Her sentence was cut off by an arrow flying right over her head. I froze in place throwing out my hearing to here the sounds of approaching attack. At first I could hear nothing then I heard the near silent sound of a bow string being drawn.
“Nila on my signal drop” I listened and I heard some one breath out, it was something that gave away even the best of archers
“NOW” I shouted. Nila and I dropped like a couple of stones. But I hadn’t paid attention to see if there was another archer or enemy. Another arrow was shot, hitting Nila strait in the lung and she began screaming in pain.
- by WerewolfAngle |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 01/24/2009 |
- Skip
- Title: Claws
- Artist: WerewolfAngle
- Description: this is an excerpt of a book i am writing. i am new at writing so ALL advice is happily taken. thank you for reading it is about humans who aren't realy human. and about a girl who once knew exactly who was an enemy and who wasn't is now unsure who she should trust anymore.
- Date: 01/24/2009
- Tags: clawstransforming
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Comments (4 Comments)
- xXSquirellflightXx - 01/31/2009
- thats great! The only suggestion I have is to work on building the scene and suspense a little more! Other than that your a natural! Also could anyone check out my story I just wrote? But your story is really good continue it!
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- Cthebookworm - 01/29/2009
- Pretty Good! But I am not trying to be mean But a little work on your gammer and you will be good.
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- yotobari288 - 01/28/2009
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very nice cliffhanger, there!!!
Just work on grammer and try to go a bit more in depth in your book. otherwise, nice work! - Report As Spam
- Lemongirl77 - 01/24/2009
- I think it's a great story, but "the hands of death" is a little too much unless you mean it to be a clever twist, in which case you need to explain it a little more. Check the punctuation, and then add some more because I want to know what else happens!
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