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8 years ago....
a day i could never forget.the day a man gave me what tortures me now.knowing i'll never be the same for what i've done.for what i've become.i was such a regular citizen of a well growing usa.now i'm the destroyer of this democracy.i've killed and i've saved.i stole and i gave.but now i know what i've done was right.no matter if i didn't kill the millions i did.no matter if i didn't destroy the cities i did.everything i had done was worth the fire and bloodshed i have caused...
CHAPTER 1:
MEET THE FAMILY
one normal day for a 13 year old like me. i live in new york city.the big apple!right smack dabe in the middle too.i've been growing up there for the rest of my life too!everyone around here knew me.and my mom worked for one of the best dinners in NY.she was the head chef.such a great cook she was too.you wouldn't even tell by the way she looked.she looked like a housewife.she even had the attitude of one too.she was nice, sweet, and was always doing something.boy would she be proud to know her son turned into an animal.
my dad was totaly different though, he was a tall, heavy man.he was a worker for the IRS.and he would be proud to know i'm the destroyer of the goverment he worked for.
my parents had two kids.me and joe.joe and i are twins, but we don't look or act the same.we are in two totallly different social groups in school.joes a prep and i'm a goth.i'm not the type of wears only black goth but i just about do.and i'm the type of goth kid you would call emo too.i love life!i just hate most people......: )
joe is the average type of prep.makes fun of the goths(even more on me), texts on his cell phone everyday, and says "like" and "um" almost all the time.he also gets the average Cs and Ds like you would expect in someone that acts like him, but i can't complain cuz i get Cs but onliy like 1 D in my entire life.
CHAPTER 2:
THE DAY THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
so umlike most of my goth friends, i have after school activies that are all year 'round.my goth friends usually go into the talent shows, dramma club, and wrestling.my activity is Boy Scouts or bs for short.
so i was waiting for the subway train, since my meetings are across town.there was no one around because it was starting early and no one gets off work till 4.thats when a man that had his arm and face tatooed in black wlked to down the steps to wait.
he looked like some of my extremely goth friends.he had a lip peircing, a pentagram shrit on, black pants, and pitch black hair.he looked at me quickly.i got a glance of his crimson eyes.i thought they must have been color contacts, but they didn't look like some of my friends.they looked real.
the train stopped and i walked on.he walked down to the oppisite end as me.and wouldn't stop staring at me.
"TAKE A PICTURE, IT'LL LAST LONGER!"i yelled after a while.
i guess it was the wrong thing to say cuz his hand went up and everything went black.
(tell me if you like it so far)
- by themacmillanpage |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 07/29/2009 |
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- Title: the black disese
- Artist: themacmillanpage
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Description:
i'm starting a new story
: ) - Date: 07/29/2009
- Tags: black disese
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Comments (5 Comments)
- ShiekXtheXgreatXFilipina - 09/27/2009
- um i dont relly get it.but its good
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- Miroku-Rei - 08/06/2009
- My brain hurts now because i dunno what happens next.
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- themacmillanpage - 08/01/2009
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yea purple-shoes, i get what your saying....
when iwas writing the story, i knew everyone would think i was a douch about the goth and prep thing...but that was the only way i thought i could say how different they were without going into 5 paragraphs of differences.then i relized that most people don't know what a goth of prep was, so yea...plus you gotta think about how most people only know certin things through stereotypes - Report As Spam
- Purple-shoes616 - 07/31/2009
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eh. It started out good. Not perfect (I would tinker with the intro if i were you) but decent.
The grammatical errors are bit distracting
The main problem is that it struck me a bit juvenille.
For one thing, you need to work on crafting your voice.
Also, when you put too much into the genres of Goth and Prep and revert to the stereotypes, it comes off cliche and immature. Finally, never EVER use emoticons in your writing if you want people to take you seriously as a writer - Report As Spam
- Just_another_Ojama - 07/30/2009
- great woriting .you need to fix your structure and grammar.when u write more i'd like to read it pm me if u wanna write for gold
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