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╣Prologue╠
The sky above was bleak and gray. Even though it was early afternoon the clouds made it appear to be dusk. These menacing clouds gave the threat of a harsh rain, one that had not occured in the Misu kingdom for many years. The air was chilly, and the wind would have made one's teeth chatter as they shivered uncontrollably.
Despite the weather, there stood a girl on the marble bridge that crossed the Misu River. She was gorgeous with her sparkling emerald green eyes and flowing jet black hair, but something was wrong. A mournful expression dawned her face as she gazed into the river below. She appeared oblivious to all of her surroundings. It was as if this girl had slipped into a trance, a trance from which there was no return.
Her mother had just passed away. She died in a shipwreck about a mile from the shore. Winds had blown the ship off course and into a bed of jagged rocks. The only survivor of the crash, a young girl appearing no older than this one on the bridge, had delivered the news. The girl was rushed to the hospital for immediate treatment. However, the fact remained, the queen of Misu was dead. This girl's mother was dead.
Tears streaked from her eyes, down her cheeks, and into the river. Her whole body shook in rage and frustration. She knew there was nothing she could have done, and yet she hated herself. He legs gave out and she fell to her knees. "What am I going to do now, mother?" she cried into her hands. She wept pitifully as she tried to quell the anger and pain inside herself. "Without you, dear mother, I am lost. You were my guide, and now I am left to my path alone,"she said into the sky.
At that moment the clouds above gave way to rain. It was a freezing downpour, but Isobel, as the girl was named, stayed where she was hoping the rain would drown her pain and make her numb. She didn't know what to do, so she stayed there in the rain, crying. Her breathing became ragged, but her tears continued to flow from her puffy, bloodshot eyes. She leaned her back against the side of the bridge, and pulled her knees up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs, and rested her chin on her knees. Time passed, seconds beget minutes, minutes beget hours, but Isobel did not move.
- by KiiingIzzy |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 08/19/2009 |
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- Title: Giving it a Shot
- Artist: KiiingIzzy
- Description: This is my first attempt at writing a story. This just happens to be the prologue. If you vote, please leave a comment. If you don't like it, tell me why.
- Date: 08/19/2009
- Tags: giving shot
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Comments (4 Comments)
- HatredBearOmNomNom - 09/06/2009
- Not a bad start but the dialogue seemed a little ridiculous. "Without you, dear mother, I am lost. You were my guide, and now I am left to my path alone." This seems like it would be more likely to be written in her diary than to be shouted out in a moment of anguish.
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- Geuro - 08/24/2009
- I really don’t see what you gain from having the font in different colors, but then again it really doesn’t hurt the story. As far as I can tell, you only have one grammatical error: fourth paragraph, third line, you have “He legs” and you probably meant “Her legs.” Other than that, my only suggestion would be to include the protagonist’s name earlier in the prologue. I don’t think you gain anything by not including her name earlier on. Overall, it was a good read.
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- Ragdoll Complex - 08/21/2009
- I kind of like the colours, but I might have gone with the light blue and a grey instead of green, just because in reminds me more of rain. But... smile
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- a very small bird - 08/19/2009
- nicely written, the emotion correctly conveyed, but a bit more detail on how the accident happened. Also, I would advise you not to make the story so colorful, black would be just as fine.
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