• Something about the Beat of a Heart... it gives me peace... i feel safe... i sleep normal when i hear it... haven't gotten a night of sleep that actually gives me energy in years.... the beat is so constant... and its funny Because mine isn't so constant. my life is shortened by about 15 years... i think my subconscious mind wont let me be spend my time happy unless I'm with my loved ones... but its better that way, cuz it affirms me that people are going to heaven with me.

    Even so... its been over two years... i was laying on a trampoline in her backyard... her head was on my chest. i dozed off and it felt like years, and my life was kinda brighter... then she left. i know she is happy with the ring he gave her and im happy for her. but the monster inside me rages away eating at my body...

    and in all actuallity all it wants, is someone to hold, and a heartbeat to listen to. eyes to stare into. someone that can look at me and know me as well as i know them. someone to have fun with. then it wont be so much a monster as it will be my heart.

    heart rolleyes