The moon and The Sun

• Artist: -Thomagata-
• Description: ok this is a poem that I randomly came up with, again if it isn't good just let me know I love critizism so go at it, I don't get mad to easily ^.^ (but don't just say it's sucks or anything like that, I want real critizism)
• Date: 07/21/2008
• Tags:

The moon ate the sun,
Swallowing it whole,
Making the day turn to night,
Making the world go cold.

Her children would dance,
In the dark blue sky,
Millions of them,
Twinkiling so high.

I brought back the sun,
A star in my pocket,
It seemed so small,
But it flared like a rocket.

The day was brought back,
Oh so soon,
But the stars are still there,
And so is the moon.

Comments

[supermodel13]

youve got a clear thought set evenly into a nice, simple poem. that's rare nowadays. good job! ^ ^

[Keiru Kazeookami]

Okay. well first off i like what your trying to get through... I'd rather let others know what it is and ask you. but i like it.. its good 4/5...

[Redragonfiregrl]

Stellar smile