• I'm weak, pathetic, needy, jealous, clingy, over protective.
    I'm everything I've ever hated.
    "Hypocrite." The tear-stained face in the mirror whispers back at me.
    Mascara blackened tears fall and hit the edge of the sink with a silent plop .
    "I know."

    So sick...It hurts to breathe. My chest hurts.
    The closest thing to comfort is the feeling of the cold bathroom floor on my body.
    Relief never lasts long.

    Lying there...for who knows how long, it starts again, and I'm choking on air.
    Your name, your face, how you looked at me, how you felt in my arms.
    My eyes flood with silent tears, trying to wash you out.
    I've scrubbed my skin raw so I can't feel you anymore.
    Relief never lasts long.

    I can't bare to look now, how sad it makes me to look at you.
    It's not your fault...It's mine.

    Out of sight and out of mind isn't an option anymore.

    Reality is the enemy.
    Songs, foods, names, places, clothes.
    All things that remind me of you.

    I drown out the world in slumber.
    Relief never lasts long.

    Nightmare, why won't you go away?

    "Because I'm real."

    The mirror smashes against the wall, yet another day of abuse.
    Why can't I be pretty? Why isn't there anything worthwhile about me? Why can't I do anything right?

    "I thought you loved me."

    "It's not you, it's me."
    Those words ring in my ears.

    Lies.

    All of it. Lies.

    But I'll cling on to those sweet lies.

    Friends have become like drugs.
    My only salvation from the memories.
    But relief never lasts long.

    Because I'm choking on air, just trying to exist.
    Waiting. Hoping.

    All that's left, a shining snowflake of silver on a chain.
    A symbol of the love you once had for me.

    Little snowflake, stay close to my heart.
    You bring back happy memories.
    Because happiness doesn't last when you're choking on air...