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She carries these eyes
eyes that take me in
They pull with heartfelt arms
and as the day turns into night again
I go viciously flying away
with dreams
I find myself lost
Because these eyes
they haunt me
so much it hurts me
But I love it
Oh, do I love it
What more would I want
then to be trapped in her eyes
and destroyed by her radiance
To be pierced by those beams of light
That delicate beauty
oh how it pulls me in
I am a humble insect
and she is this
this bug zapper
But I will gladly take that in for her
- Title: [untitled]
- Artist: Hex_Zia
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Description:
I really don't know what to call it
now I think it's truly not that great
It's like i'm ranting . . . . I don't know - Date: 12/26/2008
- Tags: untitled
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Comments (3 Comments)
- Eevlu - 01/17/2009
- Whoever this girl is, she must really captivate your entire soul. I hope she opens those haunting eyes and sees you, and wants you in return ^^ Your poems make me speak sorta poetically too Xwx() I should stop sweatdrop
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- peacekitten65 - 12/27/2008
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it's alright. Sounds like your a beginner though. What you might want to do is add more poetic language.
Ex: replace "She carries these eyes" with "These eyes of beauty; Tantalize me; They take me in..."
Little things can have a huge affect and turn your poem from good to great.
AS for the title, that's always hard. I usually just use domething from the poem. How bout haunting? - Report As Spam
- whitejade13 - 12/26/2008
- Oh. That's very nice. I love it!!! 50/5 smile smile smile
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