• The loss of a friend,
    The loss of another,
    A third on the edge,
    Refusing to voice the known.

    It started with a text,
    A simple forward,
    And escalated to a fight,
    Ending with the loss of someone close.

    Misery followed me everywhere I went,
    My friends desperate to know what’s wrong.
    I tried to explain, but only one would understand.
    The one who showed me how to find joy.

    Another pressed, one like a brother;
    He wouldn’t understand, so I kept quiet.
    He heard my ex’s side,
    And he now burns against me.

    Oh my brother,
    How could you understand?
    You don’t know what goes through my head,
    Yet not a thought goes by you that I don’t interpret.

    I know everything you’re thinking,
    So why do you refuse to tell me?
    Why do you seem to dwell on this,
    This secrecy against me?

    Do you live to bring me down?
    Are you, for some time my closest friend,
    Merely an obstacle that I must remove?
    You sure are a horrible comforter.

    A night at youth group…
    The place I could always go for comfort,
    To fill my veins with life,
    When death like a poison flowed through.

    The place I could go to
    When of strength I had none.
    More home than a house,
    My family unrelated.

    A missionary spoke of a girl from Pakistan,
    One little girl who had every reason,
    Every right to take her life,
    To melt through the bars.

    Instead she used the bars,
    Climbed up through the sewers,
    Found light in the darkest place,
    Understood true joy.

    She found family
    While her parents and brother lie buried.
    She found friends
    In the midst of the broken.

    She wore a huge smile,
    While her story made others cry.
    She had one secret,
    One that I could discover.

    Now I fight with someone,
    A girl broken down from my knowledge,
    One who refused to accept her punishment…
    Someone close for years.

    She fought on and on,
    Me calmly contradicting.
    Love turns to hate as she screams,
    Causing me to break down.

    I’m losing everything,
    Watching as my life slips away,
    And now I understand…
    I see what I’ve been missing.

    I remember a year or so ago,
    I prayed for total change.
    Now He’s changing me,
    Broken down so I’ll be used.

    He’s destroying my old life,
    Just as I wished.
    I’m starting anew due to this truth:
    True joy can only be found through suffering.