• Letting Go

    I can feel a stubborn trail being made down my cheek, and I know without looking that the hour is late. So many things were late this week, so many things were being ignored and yet I couldn't bring myself to care. I had been playing pretend since that day, and two days ago it had caught up to me. Three sleepless nights and all I can do is stare at my wall. It was amazing what you can do when the situation presses. Moving through each day as mechanically as the next, I feel like an actress playing her part in an episode of The Twilight Zone. I smiled. I teased. I grinned and giggled. I was a puppet. I played my script while someone pulled the strings to my life.

    You can only play pretend for so long.

    The pen is mightier than the sword. Another salty drip follows the first as these words strike deep. It was more true than I cared for. All the while I wish to hunt down the man who came up with that nursery rhyme that rang so false. Words could hurt you. Words could cut you so deep with their intensity when you're caught unawares. Words. What a farce. That's all I can think about and yet even now she stands silent. Heart torn in two, yet I wasn't sure what I could have said. Everything had already been said.

    Silence solves nothing.

    I squeezed my eyes shut. This was the hardest thing I had done up to this date. There was almost anything I would rather do then burn this bridge down. But I knew what would happen if I didn't. The same splinters would come back and would slice myself with them over and over. Somethings you can't stop yourself from down. But I can't let myself hurt. Not over anyone. Not even you. I had been foolish and tried to make amends. This only made things worse. I should've known better.

    Consider the lesson taught.

    I'm letting you go. No one will understand this but you. The rest can only guess what I mean. Even if I sat down and told them in detail what had passed, all they would do is nod and make sympathetic murmurs. You won't. So, I'm closing my eyes and I'm saying a quiet prayer even though I've never actually believed in God. I'll do it because you do. Maybe your God will listen. With that prayer I send my memories of you, all the things that remind me of you, and everything else that tied me to you. Tomorrow I'll forget you. You will have never existed. Because Someone can't hurt you, if you never knew them.

    Farewell.