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Meh
Reality is funny, though a lot of times it's hard to figure out if that's what you're actually apart of.
I did indeed get the apartment that is right next to the college, but my last semester left me with less than satisfactory grades and due to that I'm no longer eligible for any sort of financial aid, or even student loans. This means that from this point on, if I want to go back to school I have to pay for it 100% out of my pocket.
Rather than going to Japan this summer like I had originally planned I took the money that I had saved up and bought myself a new(er) car. I'm actually quite happy with it as it gets quite excellent gas mileage, and since gas is over $4 a gallon right now...that's pretty helpful.
Most of this summer, however, has been filled with a ridiculous amount of drama. My friends have relationship issues, and I usually get drug into them and I suppose I don't mind too much since part of being a good friend is being able to listen to problems and even occasionally lend advice...but I've got my own issue that I need to work out- I'm in love with a man who loves me, but is afraid that by being with me he's going to lose me-
Now I'm sure that anyone who reads that is going to say "well than that just means he doesn't love you!", but he's certainly not the type to throw such an important word like Love around casually. I'm not really going into the details too much, as it won't really do me any good...but I've reached a point right now in my life that while my friends have all of this drama happening, I have my own and I honestly don't want to deal with theirs right now. I'm confident that this in no way makes me a 'bad friend', for years I've helped with their s**t and sorted through their problems, hardly having any of my own, so now that I actually have something worth concentrating on, I'm going to.
The thing with my problem, is that he's very stubborn...and in the meantime my heart is hurting. So I was talking with a good friend of mine who, instead of offering advice, offered me a fresh start. "I'm going to be moving to London at the end of the year if all goes well", she says, "and I want you to come with me."
I'm honestly considering it. I don't have any idea how exactly it would work...but I'm not thinking of the small details right now, just the idea of moving to a different country across thousands of miles of ocean away from everything and everyone I know. Once I can get past this decision, then I can worry about the small things. Leaving my family behind would be easy enough, I love them dearly but it's not like I'd never see them again. My friends? Well, most of them are actually going to be leaving (a couple are also going to different countries) to pursue their own futures so us all splitting apart would happen sooner or later. I'll be able to bring my cat, or so I hope, because without him I'd go quite insane. So then all that's left is Him. He's the only thing that could honestly keep me here, and I'm not sure how I feel about that... Everything is so pivotal on him, and I hate the fact that I've become so dependent on things he does or says. What have I become as a person? I need to just take some time and sit back and discover more of who I am, but it's hard since time isn't something that I seem to have a lot of.
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