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Rawr. I finally gathered enough gold in order to change back into a female (damn it gets expensive sometimes)...
~*~
Gaia.
WoW.
My job IRL.
I don't want to do any of it.
~*~
I hate Gaia right now because I feel utterly useless. I'm failing the forums I mod, I'm failing my GEN duties and obligations, and most of all, I'm letting down all of the people who rely on me in the Exchange. Because of my not being able to force myself to attack it in my current state of mind, the queue's backed up. I can't even help the one place I actually care about because I can't focus; all I want to do is play on the site, but the more I'm online, the more PMs I see and thus I see the reports, orange, just waiting to be taken care of.
The more the guilt piles on top of me.
I'm ashamed of being weak. Why can't I just force myself to mindlessly hack away at the queue so that I can ease the burden laid upon the others? We all mod so many forums... I know I'm the only "true" Exchange mod... yet I'm failing miserably in that.
I don't know all the answers.
I don't want to take sides.
I just want to give up.
I can't help anyone.
~*~
WoW, my guildmates levelled so much while I was busy with RL that they can't help me power level, which means I'm useless as a priest. They say they're going to help me run through WC tomorrow, but we'll see. It may just be another hopeless night.
Got ganked by a stupid night elf hunter. Damn Alliance...
~*~
I hate my RL job because people are annoying ******** who don't know how to clean up after themselves after trying on a jillion articles of clothing, only to leave them inside-out, on the floor, under the chair, over the door, in the fitting rooms, and expecting me to magically clean it up in 5 seconds flat.
Also, I hate working with some person who makes me go into the store room 5 times to find one piece of clothing in a different size, then in the end doesn't buy it. Goddamn woman, make up your ******** mind! Dockers or Levi's isn't Rocket Science!
~*~
What would happen if I just stopped modding? A lot of things, each one just as bad as the last. Yet, I can be replaced. Everyone can be, given enough time. No one would miss me. It's just a web forum full of people behind avatars.
So why do I care? I love the people in the Exchange (as angsty-drama-queen-ish as many can be). I "grew up" there.
Leave? De-stress, catch up on some much-needed sleep, play Disgaea, play WoW, be the true GEN owner that I should be... feel guilt at the queue and people I'm letting down on the moderating staff, mourn the loss of such wonderful companions *because unless I'm a mod, I can't really talk to them casually*, be saddened by the loss of my ability to aid other users on a greater scale.
Stay? Get chewed out by irate users who don't give a flying ******** that my wrists begin to get sore a little sooner each night. Get PM spammed because I didn't reply to a message within 5 minutes of it being sent. Hack away at a queue that never seems to end with no breaks except to eat dinner or rest my eyes and work it until I pass out at my computer or fall asleep at my laptop. Actually be able to -do- something for the people and the community that I care for that has changed my overall personality forever.
I'll stay. Even if all my sanity is lost, my wrists get effed up even worse than before, I can barely focus because of a lack of sleep, I'll keep going. It's all I can do for the community. As the loose definition of utilitarianism says,
"the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few".
 Aquafire · Tue Sep 27, 2005 @ 09:22am · 14 Comments |
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Holy hell, Aqua. Don't kill yourself. o_o;;
~=-.
~=-.