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Don't get me wrong, I love my ant i really do. It's just i dont get her any more. I use to go see her all the time back on the farm i loved her company we would cook and bake and make diffrent stuff and we'd sit down and watch dvds to geather and then she moved one day to morganton.....and i stayed back on the farm until i had turnd 18 then i moved down to morganton things seemed so perfect but i gusse i was wrong.... the fallowing month after i had moved down to morganton they put me with my ant. My ant u could say is disabled and is biepolar...and i was suspose to help her out to make things easer on her. I didnt mind helping her out i loved my ant and did every thing she had asked me to my job was to was the dises every day when i got back home from school and sweep the livenroom. I had me cuzin who loved coming over and spending time with me and staying the night he loved hanging out he would some times help me out with the work when it got to over bearing. My one ant had told me that i didnt have to do every thing that she asked that she was capabule of doing a lot of stuff but she just dosnt want to do it that all i have to do is clean the dises and the livenroom....so thats what i did...i would do every tining she asked me no matter what it was...i would get tired of hearing her complane on how she cant make her bead that how she use to have some one to make it for her all the time and now that i was here every one quit coming it was like she was trying to make me fell guilty my uncle told me thats how she was that she would probly try to get me to take care of and clean up after her dogs and even clean up her room for me not to that she was capable of doing that her self that she just dosnt want to for me to stick with my daily routine and so i did. There was servle times when my cuzen would come to me and tell me that he tought that i needed to know some thing that my ant had told him.....some times i wish he never told me because in doing so it made him get punised over and over he sufferd so mutch just because he wanted to let me know some thing after a while i told him to stop telling me i didnt want him to suffer no more and my heart couldnt stand it any more every time all hell would brake losse and i couldnt stand it my ant would all the time get all up set and go around yelling and screaming i just couldnt stand it any more she tride to controll me like she owned me she wante to contol where i went who i was with every thing i just couldnt stand it....i felt like runing away or killing my self i couldnt tallk to my mom i couldnt go out side with our permison or unless we where going some where and she was with me...it was like i was a bird in a cage no where to go.....i was so depressed i didnt know how to express my self no more it was all so confusing......i didnt know what to do or fell any more i felt so empty so very empty inside. i had my friend at school her name was joanna even though we didnt know each other that mutch she knew how i felt and one of the many people who liked me for me and belived in me......i also had three other people in my life that keept me going on.....My sister was one of the others she kept reminding me that i didnt have mutch to go all i had to do was make it out of high school and i was home free and after wards we would move out togeather in a small place.....i didnt get to tallk to her as mutch as i wanted to.....my cuz is one of the peoples to he was there most of the time he gave me company and we would go wallkings out in the woods to the lake and swim even though we whrent suspose to we would any way it was fun to get out away from the house and relax and express my self with out getting yeld at and share secrets and tallk about stuff we couldnt back at the house. My cuzen suffered so mutch and its all because of me....but still he still cares and loves me. Last but not least the final person that helped me was this guy..........this person was a very wonder ful person he knew how to make me smile and laugh i looked forward every night to the next day so i could tallk to him some more when i tallked to him it was like all my worries just melted away and i didnt have to worry about any thing any more.......yet my ant didnt aprove of me tallking to him she wanted me to stop she told me that she was the boss of the house so what she said went......i didnt know what to do i loved tallking to him......so my cuzen helped me out......just about all the family didnt like me tallking to him they asked me what did i see in him and that he was the most uglyist person that they ever saw.....i learnd to close them out.......because what they said to me didnt matter.....my cuzen convenced my ant that the person i tallked to was a guy from school my ant was so happy.....she said that i didnt have no use of a guy from the internet and she was proud i didnt like it one bit but knowing how my ant is i didnt say a thing because if she knew it would be hell.......all my family knew that i was still tallking to him but her it felt so weird and wrong.......things kept on geting harder and harder every day.......one day i couldnt handle things any more and ran away from the house.......my oldest cuzen found me and took me to her house we had a long tallk......accross from my cuzen lived my other ant she came over because she though that she needed to have tallk to me......she didnt aprove of me having a cell phone she told me that i didnt need one....and she was going to tallk to her sister my ant i was staying with that she needs to take it away from me....she told me that all her kids/foster kids are not aloud to have cell phones......and then she told me that i needed to get red of that guy that she didnt aprove of him and didnt like him bla bla bla it was the same crap i had gotten from every body else.....she told me to think of my dad she told me that he would not be proud of me that i should be a shame of my self that she was discusted at me for liking some one like him.......my ant was to come and pick me up the next day......i was to spend the night with kim (older cuz) while at her house i took the opertunity to tallk to him while i could......kim took the opertunity to tallk to him to......she wanted to make sure that he was ok.......so she asked him all these questions and wrote them down and gave them to her husband who was a cop so he could do a back ground check on him.......the next day my ant came and to pick me up...........kim had a tallk to carlolyn (my ant that i was stayign with.) for me about the guy so i wouldnt be cause she knew how she can be kim told her that to her her sounded like a good and polite guy............that she shouldnt worry about it she told kim that she wasnt going to worry but kinda suprised......back at the house me and carolin didnt tallk for a while but after i while we did and she accepted him only becuse kim did i was so happy ^.^ i could finaly forget all my worries i was so afraid of him getting hurt by her every one knows how she is but now i didnt have to worry it was the best time of my life. Though when i ran away my ant had called my bank and posed as me and cancled my depbit card so i couldnt use it or anything......so back at the house she made me hand over all my checks and my debit card that she threw away and my new one that had come in the mail she took and put up. she told me that her and her sister my other ant (the one that lived accross kim) had a tallk and she said that she told her that she thought that she should be in charge of my money and she thought she was right and pluss she told her that she should take my cell phone away but she said she wasnt going to......that i could keep it but i just couldnt call my mom i was to call my grand ma every day and my sister or the guy.....but that was it......the only way i had contact with my mom was through e-mails withch i was forbeden to do.....and through my sister.......my mom came over to morganton one day to have a day of just us.....but it was kinda hard when u had a bunch of people stallking u and fallowing u and calling ur cell every time they lost trak of u....... we finaly found a spot where no one was fallowing us we sat and tallked for a while until mom brought up my money heather (my sister) had told her a little about what had happen. My mom was furius she was mad she told me that they just culdnt take away all of my money......i told her that they where takign half of it for the bills and they told me that the other half was goign to go up for my colloge money.....but mom told me that i still needed stuff for persinal stuff that i would need like cloths or the other stuff that girls need around that time of the month and that i needed at least some money.......i told mom that they where trying to discuse an alowence for me but carolin was making it dificult....bobie (the ant that lives accross from kim) had thought i should get fifty a month...but carolin thought it was to mutch that five a month sounded better......they then had another tallk about it at a later time and bobi then said that 20-35 sounded resonble but carlolin still thought it was to mutch......she thought i didnt need none at all that i had plently of stuff that she didnt belive in spending money that it should be saved not spent......mom was really mad......she told me that it was my money and that i should get more than fifty dollors a month more like 100 and carolin was an stupied idiot.......i really didnt want to hear it i hate when people argue over money its so stupied and childish......heather then brought up another subject that she thought that i should tell mom...torwrds the beging of the month when i moved in with my ant she wanted me to buy the gas for the winter.....and it was going to be more than 800 dollors my cuzen was mad he thought it wasnt right......that it was to mutch and it wasnt right that i should only have to pay half.....but i was ok with it.....my ant told me afterwords after it was payed that she was going to give me two months free of rent since i had to pay so mutch for the gas for the winter.....my cuzen said that he still thought it wasnt right......my mom said that she agreed with my cuzen......so after a hour or so we whre all ready to leave.....we said our good buys and all went home for the day......the next morning i had a rode awaking........as soon as i woke up and got up my carolin had told me that bobi had called and had a tallk with heather and needed to tallk to me.....and it was urgent and we needed to come asap....so we got in the van and left amedatly.....when we got there bobi told me to sit down she had a notebook she said she was goign to ask me some questions carolin sat beside me and betty (the ant that my sister was staying with) was siting on the other side of the room......bobi had told me that my mom had called betty late that night bellesing her out.......that they needed to give me my money back and that it looked like they where starving me to death........they asked me why i told my mom these things that they had allready tallked to heather that she had said that i was the one who had told mom every thing........they first tallked to me about my money......that my money was been done with what it should been done with that they where savign my money up for collage.....that she had it put up in a safe box that corolin was bring her a check every month to give her that she would cash and put up....that they wherent doing me wrong......and then they got to the gas money that they where very fouius about me have saying that that i didnt spend 800 dollors on gass that it was for the food and stuff meant to survie and i aught to be ashamed of my self........and then they got to the part that my mom had told betty that i looked like they where starving me they where so mad i told them that i didnt tell my mom that they where starving me.....but they didnt belive me.......my ant made the suggesten that i was suspose to be on a dight to loose weight but i wasnt stayign on my digt that it looked like i had gaind weight.....so bobie got her husband to pull out the weight scall and made me go stand on it as soon as it showed my weight it was 140. something larry (bobbies husband) likes to joke around a lot and said oh my goodness rebecca 170 looking up at me winking and all of a sudden carolin bursts out I knew it throwing her hands up in the air. lairy got a laugh out of it he then said na shes 140 5 pounds less then what i was when i came down her......back at the house i checked my e-mail mom had writen me she had sent me a pin number for my phone so i could have some mins to tallk to her when ever i needed.....later on that night carloln was on the computer......i was sitting there waiting to her from the guy i haddent heard from him all day....i finaly got board and decided to call heather i picked up the phone and started dilign my ant came rusing in and asked me who i was calling i told her i was tryign to call my sister she told me that the phone isnt working.....that it hasnt been workign for a while.....so i tell her that im going to go out side and call him.....she got all up set and told me that i couldnt go out side i told her that i wanted to and i was going to becuse i wanted to call my sister and him........so i went out side to call she fallows me and says rebecca i though you had no more minutes....how did u get more minutes i told here mom sent them to me.....she got all mad and upset and we got into an argument over it.....she told me that she had offered me some minutes the other day and i didnt take them that i could of paid her back later that i had hurt her felligns and went back inside and said she was goign to bed i called heather for a while and then called him we tallked for a while that night was one of the best times i had tallkig to him even though i was a wreak i was so happy and laughing to him i didnt have mutch minutes and needed to save them in cause.....so i told him that i had to go but i wanted to stay and tallk to him forever.......as soon as i went back inside carolin hallers at me....i haller back and she tells me to come back to her room......i come in and dont go any further than the door....shes starts blabing about the money......i really dont pay attentsion all i really heart was that i should of had thousands saved up if it whernt for my mom....then she stats something else she tells me that i treat my sister like crap....that im like what ever when im tallking to her on the phone and im like all happy and giggling on the phone with the guy.....that it wasnt right that im treating them diffrently that i had to be asham of my self that my dad would be. We got into a little arguemnt over it i soon heard enough so i turnd around and wallked off she started yelling at me to come back for me not to wallk away but i did i was tired and not in the mood to put up with any crap. The next day as soon as i come home carolin is on the computer and dosnt hear me until i i lay my stuff down she comes rushing out the door and to me asking me where it is i didnt know what she was tallking about.....she told me that i was suspose to have a package.....that she had called the school offace and had requested my report card and all my other progress stuff that i hadnt been sharing any thing with her that i needed to that it was her right to know what was going on at school with me she said that the lady had promised her that she would call me down to the office and give me the package......but i hadent recived any package so i went to my room to do my thign and she gose to call the lady to complane then she bursts into my room she couldnt get a hold of the lady no one would pick up but she demanded to have my bag so she could look through it that it was her right and she was the boss and she takes it from me with out my permison and gose through every thing and reads all my notes and stuff it was more like she was intereted in what was in it insted of what my grades where she then stats asking me a bunch of stupied quetions that she thought i should know for one of my classes she then says rebecca u know u and heather ar retarted she says this isnt coming from me one of my close friends who knows what shes tallkign about told me befor a long time ago and she would never lie to me. that night i text joanna my friend from school and laid my phone by the sink to charge in the morning i was going to take my cell i had allways took it becaue i was afraid of it been tooken away but i belived that my ant wouldnt so i left it there to charge and left to go catch the buss. when i got home my ant said that the dss was going to come and take me away if i didnt stragten up withc came to a suprise to me i was 18 and dss cant mess with u if ur that age she told me a bunch of stuff that she said that this dss lady had told me.....and some of it she told me was weird that she knew some stuff about me that she shouldnt know she said im not aloud to tell u how she knows but they have there ways and im not aloud to tell u what her name was she didnt have to tell me who it was for her telling me that it was a girl andfor my cell phone gone missiing i knew who it was....bobie....bobie is part of dss she had told carolin that she shouldnt let me be friends with joanna that she was a bad infulence that i wasnt aloud to be friends with her any more nore was i allowed to use the phone or the computer any more she said it wassnt her decison it was the dss ladys decison that she had to do what she said. later on that night i went through the phone log and got his number since i had it in me cell and i didnt have it wrtten down any where else my ant asked me what i was doing but i didnt tell her i wasnt allowed out side not alllowed to use the phone or internet i was finaly trpaped traped in a prison when it came moring and i was geting ready for school carolyn came to my door and told me that i wasnt allowd to leave with no one but her that she had called and informed that no body was allowed to come to the school and pick me up i told her that i was 18 i could leave with who the hell i ever wanted she repeated her self i got my stuff and left out the door early and told her agan that i could leave with who everthe hell i wanted as i was going out the door she hallerd out that the dss would be there in the moringing to tallk to me....at school my heart was a raching i was so scared and so sad i didnt get mutch sleep that night i was up crying half the night i was wating for joanna to show time and time went by and i began to think joanna wouldnt show up i started to cry who would i tallk to i needed to tallk to some one.....then i saw her but i had tears runing down my face joanna huged me withc is weird she never had huged me befor she asked me what was wrong i told her the whole situatsion i told her i needed some one to come to the office with me i wanted to call my mom and i didnt want to go alone she went with me the office let us use the back room i tried calling my mom five diffrent times but the i couldnt since mom lived in a diffrent county so joanna called her mom for me and asked her to call my mom as soon as we where done and about to leave my name was anounced over the intercome me and joanna freaked joanna said omg there here for u rebecca but i was 18 it didnt make since we both stared at he door we knew as soon as we opend it we would be noticed i took a deep breath and opend the door to my surprise no one was there the front desk lady said that some one had called and told her that i was plaining on runing away with my bf and wanted to know if that was who i was calling i had to explane to her what had happend....she made me stay and take a seat beside of her.....she went and got the princable and told him the princable took me and put me in a conculers room and told me that i needed to tallk to them.....i really didnt want to tallk to an conculer.....she asked me a whole lot of questions.....not to long into the confersatsion the office called the concilers room telling her that my mom was on the phone on the front desk and was going to forward the call to her office the conciler tallked to her for a while and gave me the phone and left the room so i could tallk to her in peace.....the conciler had told mom that she could come pic me up if she wanted to that she didnt know what my ant was tallking about and that the dss couldnt do any thign with me that she would love for my mom to come over.....so during the middle of third mom came and we had a big tallk me mom the conciler and another one of the concilers some how joanna got brought up into the confetatsion mom had told them how they didnt want me being friends with joanna that she was a bad influence that came as a surprise to them they said that joanna was a nice girl one of the best studdents in the school that if she was to recamend a friend for me that joanna would be the one. after that we left and went to moms place. I could probly go on and on for ever about this of what happend after words and so on and so forth i dont even think any body will read this but if you happen to do so and want to know more just pm me.