This entry has no structure. So if you are confused, don't worry. I'm just writing for the sake of getting my thoughts out.
I don't even know how I survived without someone in my life. Being alone seems so... scary. Knowing that someone isn't there to comfort you in times of need, or just to keep your happy. I told myself that I didn't need to be in a relationship, that I didn't want one.
I was obviously so naive then, and probably even now. I didn't understand the concept that someone could love you. That they would put you first and actually care about you. This might be from my sentimental temperament, but that idea seems makes me well up with emotion. I can't even believe it; I don't want to believe it.
I guess I have a small self-esteem, even though I don't show it overtly: I can communicate with most people, even if I do seem a little shy. It is trust that I lack. Or, that is, I find it hard to trust someone enough to let them know me well enough. Unless you are in my immediate family, I won't trust you unless you really earn it.
This almost sounds like bragging. "Oh, you know, I only trust three people who aren't in my family. You're probably not good enough for me."
--------
I'm going to stop. I'm thinking too much about something trivial and I'm going to end up talking about a topic that make me doubt myself and my emotions. I can feel it already.
View User's Journal
202
 |
