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my crap
crap about my crap
wrote a new poem
and wrote a poem 2 nights ago, enjoy

Dare We Dance? by crissy k

dare we dance tonight?
as night winds whistle in
cooling this burn from deep within
your desires, my needs
oh how I wait for you to free me

how to describe such a feeling
when its never been like this before
my heart throbs just repeat
the unsteady beats
pulse quickens
sweat glistens
in a deadlock
we're kissin
somehow stiff and i ache for more

its nights like these that make me believe
I'm waiting for something so blissful
such nights where my body can't sleep
cuz it quivers, it screams just to be satisfied
electrify within me and remind me just how easy you steal my breath with every ride
don't dare stop, touch me deep
then just maybe you'll find this feeling from deep inside
burdening, with an insanity not cured by words alone
grasp this chaos and tame it right
tonight
show me
how you'd love me when my skin's beside your own
dare me
to beat you in this game where the prize is pleasure alone
heal me
with soft fingers gliding across me or through me
I can't sense where but I know that you knew from the sound of my breath that casted aside from you loving me

control me, feel me, love me, stay near me, just ******** me right on our night alone
grab me, concern me with that touch that won't leave me, find that touch that I can't condone
and free me
tear my insecurites and let me just want you to do me right
and there I'll be, just blown away
torn by a pain that only pleasure saves for a body that dares to moan
you free me
hear me now that I'm crying out from what my body's been hiding, a passion that's been trying to crack its own body, a shell prone to easing its comfort through thoughts that negate the bliss not shown

and dare to dance

drive yourself in me and make me know that you're there, never stoppin, just giving more, receiving back more than you expect for such a night like this where no one compares it to before
oh guide me, surprise me, don't let this pass by me, just grab me and never let go
be all you can be and dance this one-two step, hell, give me more, oh three-four!
and there I am
there I am
glistened in glam
there i am
right there
hold me close cuz here I go

******** dance!
oh
my
god
tell the people, let them know what we've found, something where emotions simply become unbound
within a moment we're brought back to peace, steady beats, with
thoughts that only ask for...

one more round

dare we dance?


updated my photoalbum: http://photobucket.com/albums/y12/crissy_k/






User Comments: [2] [add]
3m0ness
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Sat Aug 19, 2006 @ 11:54pm
Sounds a bit like text porn.

It's like... honestly.

As my english teacher used to... not say... There is no deeper meaning.

But, then again, I suck at poetry.


commentCommented on: Sun Aug 20, 2006 @ 04:39am
I must admit this piece is outside my norm of reading. I typically gravitate towards the darker genres of writing, or emo, for lack of a better word. But I must say, this sultry poem was unequivocally an impressive read.

It's passionate and it's emblazoned with unyielding lust, but I wouldn't deem it to be categorized as tacky or crude porn. I get the notion that it is much deeper than that, as though it is transcended somewhere between the parallels of lust and love.

I really like the suspense that gradually and tediously elevates toward the climax. The way you describe the passion and the yearning that embers between the two dancers is certain to make one soar and swoon. It makes it seem like no one else exists in the universe, there is nothing, nothing but them and the night they have together. That dynamic really stresses the impression that they burn, ache, and yearn for each other.

The heat that radiates of this couple makes me want to liken them to a fire, a fire that could be kindled over and over again, but still, it would not singe enough, would not glimmer enough. The hunger between them is so exhausting unrelenting and temptingly primal. And letting the urgency building to the point of teeming is just sheer, but agonal brilliance.

I'm quite the novice when it comes to offering constructive criticism, so there's not much I can put forth in that department. The sole think I would recommend fixing is the shortened words like "cuz" and "kissin". But then again, this type of poem shouldn't really be focused on the formality, so much as it should the pure feeling. I only say that it should be changed because I am a self-proclaimed Grammar Nazi.

I can't say that I like it quite as much as your other poems, but I do believe that it is sensational, alluring, and stirring, nonetheless.



Elsewise
Community Member
User Comments: [2] [add]
 
 
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