Feeling :: surprised
Whoa. I have an impression that someone read my journal, yet the number of views is unchanged: 0. o.O However, someone must have read my journal, in particular yesterday's entry, because of a very peculiar PM.
-_-
It's like I looked in the mirror and my reflection stuck its tongue out at me.
I have no clue as to what to do with that PM. Delete? Respond? Ignore? Stand on my hands? Donate? Say moo? I think I'll let it sit and decide later.
In the meantime, I have been thinking about my predicament, which isn't a predicament in so much as I've made it one. While it is nice that my quest is not at an agonizing slow crawl, such as when I was doing the Brown Paper Bag quest, the pace has generate an indifference attitude in me when it comes to "small fry."
Yes, "small fry." Those people who plead for donations for items that I feel I could earn in less than a week. Even now, I feel that my quest for a January Letter or Emo Bag is rapidly becoming part of "small fry-dom": I quest but already I know I can purchase the item within 100 days from the quest's start.
I think being able to calculate what I need to do over x number of days has diminished the...thrill of a quest. It's not as hard as I think it should be. How much of a challenge is it, when I work out that I need to save up 500 gold a day for, let's say, 90 days? Where's the challenge? (Inflation is accounted for, too.)
There isn't much as far as I can see. All that is required is some work and a little patience. Eventually I will finish the quest and a 50K item isn't a big deal. Apparently for me. I've been reading self-motivation books and I'm wondering if that's assisting in my "snub-down, looking-down-the-nose" attitude. I wouldn't think that would be the case; however, what's up with me?
Hmm. Now that I've re-thought what I've just typed out, I don't think I have a "snub-down, looking-down-the-nose" attitude. It's more of a "how can you be sniffling for donations for an item that doesn't cost that much" attitude. Darn those crying emoticons. (And what's up with those people who use the anger emoticon for anything they had to actually purchase off their wishlist?)
Okay. I think I've pin-pointed some of the issue, because it feels like a weight is off my little shoulders and the sun's light just increased in intensity. (And I'm not even near a window, so it better not be a tornado! xp ) Those crying, gonking, angry, and whatever, um, sucky, emoticons are getting to me. (I'm such a sensitive person.[/sarcastic]) I don't like them. Period. They turn me off something fierce!
And yet, I'll still gawf at people whose quests I feel are...too easy, for a lack of a better term. (I wonder how many gawfed at my Brown Paper Bag quest? Can I take comfort in knowing that there must have been at least a handful, more than likely many more? And now that I think of it, I think even I would have gawfed at it. 3-8 days for a bag isn't long.)
I question myself on Gaia. Questing is okay, although it's apparent that I'm not challenging myself enough. (I don't even feel that people should donate to me, because for whatever amount they donate, I can make it in a day or so anyhow, and thus, to what difference does it make if I buy the item on day x or on day y, a few days later than day x?) I'm a member of The Official Quest Guild, yet when I step aside from my own quest, my gold earnings drop and I perform poorly. While I'd like to give, I'm not too free with my gold. When I quest, I'm critical about others' quests. (I won't go there about those super expensive rare items.)
I think I have most of my concerns out now. There may be one or two lurking. My next step is to figure what kind of a Gaian I want to be. I haven't given it much thought until now, because why should have I? Now I've reached the stage where I'm in a Guild for questers that I need to be helping out in (want is the better term), yet no one gets help more from me then me. In other words, I'll reach the moon for myself, but for others I may be lucky to reach the stars.
And that's the inconsistency I need to work on. How can I be a crew member of a Guild that helps questers, and look at other quests while thinking less of them then my own, if I'm not really there to help out donations? What sort of image do I want to have on Gaia? I know it's not one where I give all my gold and items away and go around naked. (That sort of behaviour earns no bonus points from anyone and not much future favours in my line of thinking.) However, I'm not wanting to be one of those who go on quest after quest, never giving any gold to other people because I'm too important and that I always come first. While I won't ever have that image (I have donated to people and the Guild), unless someone who doesn't know me labels me as such, that doesn't mean I won't end up near there.
It's a bit of a tangled mess that I need to figure out if I'm coming or going or have already gone. I'm glad it's not as big as I've made it out. Or as messy, now that I think about it some more. My current state bites though. I don't like that I can be more helpful to myself than to others.
And maybe that chap was responding to my poll from this morning.
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Pixel Dreams and Memories
Travels around Gaia, ambitious quests, and everything inbetween!
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