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(I've actually taken all of this directly from a conversation I had with a good friend of mine. I think we both learned a lot during that conversation and I want to maintain its wisdom in this entry)


Well, I've learned this.. Out of all my pain and struggling, which sounds kinda dramatic but, it's true. That.. The love found in a partnership/relationship can be extremely rewarding in ways you would previously think impossible, nearly every time, that is, if it's a good one. But it's similar to a business venture, starting a business could be the best, or worst, or both experiences of your life. If started in the wrong area, it will suffocate. If started at the wrong time, it will never grow. If started for the wrong reasons, it will be extremely unsatisfying in the end and will become like a black hole in you.

But if started at the right time, right area and for the right reasons. Then, if nourished and payed much care for and focus on, it will grow, develop and reward you both in ways you could barely imagine. But at the same time, to keep enough distance to remain a two-part unison creating a whole. If you get too close and literally become a whole.. well 9.5/10 times that will reverse the entire process until it falls apart. No two people are one, and that's something I've come to realize, they never can be and never should be. A perfect relationship should instead be two people who create that unison effect, rather than become it.. They are whole, but aren't at the same time, maintaining that perfect harmony.

Happiness can only ever be achieved by yourself, from yourself, Even in a relationship. You'll be miserable if you can't make yourself happy. Well to love and lose it seems rather inevitable, most everyone experiences it sometime in some way at least. It's most important to love yourself, that would be the most valuable thing there is; Because then, you could only ever love, you would love and never "lose it." It sounds easy and it can be expressed in small ways that you can practice. You can even change your perspective on things, introvert and learn, but it's a very hard thing to achieve.


(He had said this to me "What I mean is, I'm more worried about trying to impress some checkout girl at the Hannaford grocery store down the road than getting what I went there for. I have to stop that, because there's no sense to it." This was my response to that)


Well it's natural.. You go to the store a lot more often than you meet someone interesting, right? That's just another way of getting yourself out there. t's as much a part of you as everything else and I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to be a little impressive, even I do that. I think the only harm that could possibly come from it is overdoing it. Which I know neither of us are much for. All I'm trying to say is it's a part of you like many other things are and anything positive should be embraced, but not overdone, like anything else.

"need help picking up these bags?"
"Sure"
"Better yet, I'll pick up the whole checkout counter"

"Watch carefully as I jump start your car... WITH MY BARE HANDS!!!"


Exaggerations, but they get the idea accross. Trying to carry yourself well or appear confident, strong, or of strong character, chivalrous etc etc is a part of respecting yourself I think. But I understand what you're saying. You want to exist within yourself, rather than feel empty inside and exist without yourself. Finding little pieces outside of yourself to cling to. Yea. Always been by yourself, but never been yourself.


(On the subject of not knowing what to believe, or what you believe)


As far as the whole belief thing goes.. I'm not trying to impose my own on you in any way, but what I've come to accept is that a particular set of beliefs is limiting.. I've found many religions, belief systems and so on where 2 or more of them appear to be correct. So I've learned that in all things is proper belief. A negative, wrong or misguided belief is the beginning to a new discovery. In finding something that is a lie, or misguiding, whatever it is, you also find truth in that, and find truth in all things that way. The only truly bad thing is getting stuck in such things. I'm not sure if that relates to you any but that's what I think.

I suppose in your case, if your belief, even if it's your truest belief, brings you down at all, it wouldn't be "wrong" to seek out new understanding to find happiness. Whatever that might be. Because what you can discover and learn wouldn't be any less true than what you already believe.

He said;

"I guess that I don't necessarily have to believe one thing and only that one thing, and I also don't have to not believe it. I only have to modify it to suit what I do believe in."

I said;

"I suppose that would actually be pretty similar if not exactly like the spirit and nature of Jeet Kune Do actually"

He said;

"Yeah... Use what is useful to you."

"This will all be part of building up a "me", I think."

I said;

"Yea, or even, simply discovering who you already are. From experience I've tried building myself and while it works, it stops working because it's exhausting. Then I ended up at square one, so, it's much easier to find out who I already am and flow with it, taking no energy or thought yet satisfying everything at the same time."

(And a short bit on the subject of conceit, or helping people, some self-realization)

But really, I didn't know I'd learned or realized all that as much as I had until you'd brought it out of me so, the conversation has been mutually rewarding. Very glad I could help. It's always been a part of my nature to be very drawn to peoples suffering or problems and to help in some way. It's extremely frusterating when I can't do anything at all, which has happened.

He said;

"Yeah, I imagine you've also had people that didn't seem to want to be helped."

Yea, definately, it also makes me appear arrogant or imposing sometimes, when that's the furthest from my intentions. I know it depends on the situation, but sometimes there's nothing you can do.

(Then he'd mentioned a personal example of someone that may not be able to be helped)

Lmao, good example, even she has her own path I guess. She seems to be on a path that leads through endless frusteration or even purposely causing it, for some reason, but that's her choice.

Sometimes I'm not sure how to approach trying to help someone out. Sometimes they just don't feel like sharing, sometimes I come at the problem/the person full force and sometimes that's good, sometimes that's bad, and sometimes it's just best to listen.