As The World Ends

• Artist: Xx-Dark Blue Fox-xX
• Description: Hope you like it xD
  
  Criticism is most appreciated.
• Date: 04/10/2009
• Tags: astheworldends

Fire bubbles from the earth,
ice rains from the sky,
as the world ends.
People run,
people scream,
people panic,
as the world ends.
My love is dying,
as the world ends.
Our love is strongest now,
as her life ends.
Now the worst is over;
my love is dead.
And my life is over,
as the world ends

Comments

[Valoralin]

I go with what Chiyuki-san, just for the fact that I can't top that and its right. lol

[Chiyuki-san]

Good use of repetition; very effective! Solid grammar (which is much appreciated, btw) although several commas are unnecessary (all of the ones before "as the world ends"--though the semi-colon before "my love is dead" is spot-on!)--also, for the sake of parallelism, line six should be "people panic."
Overall, simple and effective. Good work.