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My sister is a drivers ed teacher and we were talking about tickets....

Mom: ive gotten one speeding ticket..in the 70s
Alyce: SERIOUSLY? u only one?? Ive gotten at least 10 speeding.. .and five accident tickets... thats pretty bad considering two of the accidents were my fault.
Mom: when you ran into the parked car, was that ur fault?
Alyce: Sh** ya!

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Alyce talking to alvah

Alyce: you spell Canada with 3 As...*spelling* cAnAdA eh?
Alvah: wow
Mom: thats 4 A's
Alyce: C***, thanx for ruininig the joke mom
Mom: actually, u ruined it dear
Alyce: r u making lasagna for dinner?
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Dustin (cousin) told Alyce that mom called her so Alyce called her back

Alyce: Hey!
Mom: Hi whats up?
Alyce: ...um you called me...
Mom: oh...well what did your machine say?...
Alyce: mom... you talked to dustin
Mom: ...then what did Dustin say?
Alyce: *laughing* i gotta go