Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Everyday is a nightmare and I scream "Why can't I wake?" Everything rejects me, and my only friends are the shadows around me. I'm withdrawn and these tears will never cease. The pain is real, but it is better than being numb.. But I can only cry, knowing I'll never wake. Life doesn't get any better. The only thing worth living for is death. Once in hell or heaven or whatever, I shall suffer more, but I can only hope I will be happier than in this realistic dream. My heart doesn't seem to care, as my mind tells me I deserve all this, its all fair. And I hear their voices and see their hands reaching for me. But I push them away, back to the safety of my comfort zone.. The Darkness. Only then am I safe and a tiny bit happy. ANd I still won't wake from the sorrow and pain. But I inflict more upon myself... ANd I like being alone now.. No one can hurt me... For there is no more pain I can hold I feel it all. And I want to wake, but I never will.