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*sighs* Today's Mama's b-day... She's 49 today... I miss her... Tomorrow makes it 4 years of her death... Happy b-day Mama... I love you and miss you... heart

And it's really tough right now. Jason's mom doesn't like us talkin to each other and everything. stare I tried callin him last night again and he wasn't home and his mom picked up. She said she doesn't feel comfortable about us being friends... She asked what was going on in our relationship and I just told her "Well I'm just doing what I can as Jason's friend and everything and I really do love your son very much Ma'am." Even with those words she couldn't let me stay talkin to him. So now I'm trying to make some plans...

1. Get licence. So I have to finish my hours and I can do that in about 20 days if I drive during the day for two hours. I don't know but I may end up just doing one hour of driving so I should get done with my daytime hours in about two months. 40 days. And night hours I can get done in 3 days if I drive for 2 hours. If I drive for only one hour I get it done in 6 days.

2. Get a job. Try to volenteer somewhere. Like the library. Or work for my neighbors. Babysit maybe even. Or get a job for a few hours during the weekends. Maybe sence I'll have my licence then I can get a real job maybe. Hopfully.

3. Save up allowance! I wont even use my money for myself only if it's somethin VERY important. I may just have to stick with this deal for now but hey $10 a week is pie.

4. Save up enough money until I'm 18. Durring the summer of my 11th grade year going on to 12th grade I'll get me and maybe a friend or two to go on a trip with me to see Jason and all my other friends around the world. Depending on how much money we have though. But we will go to Jason first.

5. Unless Jason gets here to me first then we'll plan something else. Jason and I will decide on something to do then.

6. I'm praying that Jason will soon get his own cell phone. stare Then he can scream FINALLY KEEP IN TOUCH EVERY DAMN NIGHT AND TELL ME HES OKAY!!!!! Then again his mama wont have to really say anything ABOUT IT!!!!

See with these plans like #s 2 and 3 I'll be learning resonsibility. (that a big word to spell confused ) So I'll be ready for the future and I'll have to remember why I'm doing all these things. I'm doing it for Jason and me. Not just me but for him also. That way we can see each other and possibly be with each other like we promiced. Who knows I may even go to the UK to see a few guy friends of mine. smile But right now my mind is set on these things. Pray I'll keep my head in the game and will win it guys!