(Combination of two days' thoughts)
It's been a long time since I've talked about guys. It's been a shorter time frame since I've written a journal, lol. Being back kinda sux in that I forgot one manga somehow and my keys got left behind... -.-"
I’ve got a note to deliver,
One that won’t make much sense.
I’ve got a note to deliver,
It’s gotta get there on time.
Promise me you’ll take it?
Promise me.
I have a lot more fleeting thoughts these days. They aren’t so crazy or manic but just things I could do or say.
I feel a bit guilty I still don’t recognize when I hurt people a lot of the time. I haven’t understood. I’ve been thoughtless. I never thought to think of the pain we caused from just not being there this year. I never thought we would be missed like that. I never thought it would be painful. I knew it would be hard but never thought it would hurt. I remembered my own Senior year and didn’t want that but never did anything to prevent it. I never braced them for the fact we wouldn’t be there. We wouldn’t see them. We wouldn’t laugh, cry, or play with them. We aren’t there. I never thought how they must have felt about it. I… am SO.. so
Sorry.
Then again, you don't recognize ours either. At least I haven't pretended that I knew the other sides' hurt. At least I didn't pretend you wouldn't hurt. I didn't know how bad it would be but at least I knew. I knew you would hurt. I trusted and beleived you would be strong enough. ... Maybe I was wrong.
I've got a lot of s**t going on in my head. United States of Tara calms me down. Thank goodness. Half the stuff I cannot even type because I am so emotionally tied to it right now. I mean, WTF. -le sigh- I guess I could put a few highlighters in:
-made up with Tosha (I think?, we're talking anyhow)
-Eric bailed on me
-I'm getting CS4
-watched UST
-hungout with Teej
-still at standstill with Matt
-Hannah not back yet (-crosses ingers-)
-Picture whored last night
-Feel like ******** s**t (******** ugly, ******** fat, ******** ******** ********)
-Played Tek Tek game and made ******** pretty avi
-Almost done with this hairstyle T.T
-Just.. ******** BKLAH today
I think I'm gonna go take a shower or bath to cheer up -.-
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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