Hello, my name is none of your business. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by a**l electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of crap. So basically, this message is a big "You are a MORON" to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and soddomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Judas in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2008, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
If you're going to forward something, think about it?. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about squillions of times. I don't care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
intstructions:
LIEK OMG THEZE R DA RULEZ SCROOL DOWN ADN MAEK A WEISH!!!
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!! rolleyes
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
WOOOOOOO!! Wasn't that fun? smile
Hope you made a great wish smile
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 4096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a tall building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be angry at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be angry at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be angry at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be angry at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and God only knows!!
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
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Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Tiramisu who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Tiramisu Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of s**t. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 20 seconds. Oh, and a reminder if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly of AIDS.
Thanks again!!
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Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad people with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass this on to 1500 people in the next 5 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like these people:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died.
This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13-year-old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, a car hit him and his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your friends, and everything will be okay.
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Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.
Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you and your breath smells like you've been eating the flesh of your ancestors,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of fish,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the cheque and leaves and doesn't speak much English... -no, sorry that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, I?ll hate you for the rest of my horrible life. It?s not like you really care anyway?
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The point being?
If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, laugh and then delete it.
Don't get people angry by making them feel guilty about an old man in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only hope is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.
Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise your underwear will turn carnivorous and devour your genitals tomorrow morning 8:00 PM sharp.
Have a nice day. biggrin
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