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Such an interesting world, when you're insane... |
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God, how the world passes by so damn fast...I remember when I was still a kid back in quail valley daycare center, about 2, sitting in the corner alone and quiet so to avoid anyone hurting me again. I was a weakling weighing 36 lbs...my mom used to put me there when she wanted to go partying or pick up another boyfriend...sucks being a b*****d...sometimes it hurts..but enough of that. I'd rather be without a Dad then what I put up with for so long....living in a small apartment with my mom, hanging on to my room all the time while mom took her boyfriends into her room to "talk" with the door shut and locked...I knew what they were doing. Wasn't until Mike Perault came around when I started to care about mom's little obsession for affection..
This a*****e was a 113lb Ultima/Everquest/Warcraft nerd spending all his time online either playing with his characters or working on his porn site so to play with himself. Then mom found out that he was having cyber sex while dating my mom, and also getting drunk and umm.....assaulting me...................................................................................................................................but anyway, then she moved on to Ed....I don't like Ed. At first he seemed alright, then mom married the ******** and he showed his true peacock feathers. The dickweed turned out to be a control freak from an abusive family. He had severely raped and beat his past two wives, one of them hospitalized, one of them dead. Now, he told my Mom that it wasn't going to happen...half a year in and he took a swing at her while drunk. I got in the way and stopped the hit. He tapped the back of my head, because I hugged my Mom to stop the punch. I was either 13 or 14. That could explain why my backside head is so damn sensitive now and when you scratch it it turns m- you know, too much info. Heh. like this isn't enough. Anyways, I ended up being his punching bag for the next 5 years of my life. Torture........yelling while drunk, beating on me so to protect my mom....blaming me for anything HIS REAL SON does, by the way, recently like about 2 months ago got expelled for naked wrestling in his gym's locker room. lol! and he says he isn't gay! Anyways, he also tried to make me into what he wanted to be when he was young. I recently stuck it to him hard and tried to run away. Things are so much more complicated now. Long story shortened, I am basically the glue to there relationship. Apparently, if I leave home, they divorce. It's ridiculous. Where is the love? If they divorce, they lose the house. Mom can't get another apartment cause her credit is shot. she'll be on the streets, and Ed has a place to go back to. It's unfair. The only safe way out is to get a fulltime job and get the ******** out of there.
I really need to make a move, or I might die. about a week ago, not even a week, more like 5 days ago, I came home to a screaming cat (her name is coco! :3) she apparently clawed up the couch. Ed was having a bad day and attempted to throw her at a wall corner with a sharpened edge. With the s**t that cat has gone through, she would've surely died had I not caught her. The conversation went like this afterwards:
patrick: What the ******** are you trying to do to my cat!? You b*****d, you almost killed her!!
Ed: Who the ******** do you think you are talking to you little c**k sucker! Get the hell out of my sight!
********-
that's when I ran up and gave him the most satisfying roundhouse I have ever done. hah! I broke his nose!!!! It was actually more like a sorbat, but I'm calling it a roundhouse, cause I still spun when I did it.
then...he took me by the neck, slammed me into a metal frame, then a wall, then tossed me onto the ground belly down. It was at this point he started stomping on my upper back where my ribs were......
We haven't talked since then. Connie worried about me all day the next day. Luckily nothing broke, just a crack in one of the upper ribs near the tendon parts. I might not be so lucky next time...I wonder what a happy family is like...i want one...I want a real dad...or at least a father figure who wont try to hurt me, or rape me, or abuse me like the others....it's hard to type right now cause of the crying, but my fingers have mad skills, so....I know what I'm saying without looking...no one deserves an abusive, father.....that's probably why I went split personality disorder on the world...I don't want to talk about that, except that I had 5 of them....I stopped cutting about a month ago. It doesn't work anymore, because I put myself on a higher standard of living. I can't live in the past forever, no matter how hard it is to let go. The only thing holding me down now is the past that hasn't yet come. Not until I get an apartment with Connie. She's the only thing precious I have. Nothing but God compares to her with my love. I know God exists, cause I've prayed and s**t happened. I asked for relief and it happened, so he's there. He's gotta be. If he is, I love him more than Connie cause without him, I wouldn't have her, so it's only fair. I need to stop writing, this hurts too much.
 Wolf-FollowerOfLight · Tue May 26, 2009 @ 09:00pm · 0 Comments |
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