Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

You know, I can recall so many great Christmas' while I grew up. My most fondest moments would always be anticipating the night before Christmas to end so I could wake up and see all my toys Santa would bring for me. I'd get ready for bed around 10:00 p.m, set out a plate of cookies my mom and I would make together...Some milk of course and then mom and dad would tuck me into bed and kiss my forehead.

They'd be as excited as I was. Of course I also remember my dad moving his stereo into my room and turning it onto Sunny 99.1 where a whole buncha Christmas music played throughout December.

As ironic as it was, every morning when I woke up to see if it was 5 a.m. yet, it would always be 3:30 a.m. and that Alvin and The Chipmunks Christmas Song would be playing. I'd sing to it until I fell asleep again...then the next thing I knew, it was time to wake up.

My big brother would come running in, shaking me and my big sister awake, saying, "Hey wake up! It's Christmas! We gotta wake up mom and dad! I'll make them coffee!"

In the long run, I was the one that ended up making the coffee...haha I was like, 6 years old...Anyways, while I set the coffee to brew, I'd run over to my mom and dad's room with my brother and sister, then jump up and down on the bed, like in the movies.

It was great...then every year we'd pick a "Santa", which was someone who had to pick up presents and set them aside into name groups. Then we'd spend the remaining morning ripping open presents and throwing myself at my parents, hugging them and crap.

There'd always be mounds after mounds of gifts under and around the tree. At some points they'd litter the entire living room floor. God I miss being a little kid...

Then when I was 14, a year or so before I met my current boyfriend, I had came home from last minute Christmas shopping with my mother and my sister at Target. About an hour or so later, we got a knock at the door and it was my friend, Edwin. He was all excited and screaming in my face about it snowing. When I looked over his shoulder, it was! It was snowing hard and fast. I put my boots on and ran out there with him, banging on our neighbor's doors and screaming that it was snowing. I swear on all that I love and live for, I did.

I remember my other friends running out and we had a huge snowball fight...It was great...

I even remember one Christmas Eve when I saw my mom and dad slow dancing together and my dad was singing some song to her, it was a Christmas song but it was slow...I was so happy.

Unfortunately as I grew older, my holidays began to grow more and more lonely and colder. I guess it's not as fun since I'm not a little girl anymore...

On the other hand I feel like it doesn't matter anymore because I'm not with my boyfriend of four years. What hurts the most is the fact that I know he's apathetic about holidays so even if he were here, he might not want to enjoy the holidays with me...I guess we're just too different...but no matter what, he's the only person I really wanna celebrate with. It's just not going to happen and I'm going to have to settle with wishful thinking.

He'll never understand what it would feel like if he could just be here with me and my family...or even with just me, sitting around all curled up under blankets...With the Christmas Tree we could decorate together, watching the Christmas Specials that come on back to back.

How happy I could be if I could share my Christmas spirit with him...Or just sharing my Christmas in general with him. It'd mean so much to me.