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I feel really sick. I came home and had a headache so I went to sleep when the internet wouldn't work. I woke up and tried to drink some milk, only made me feel more sickly. The head pounding and try mouth make me think it's the throw up kinda sick - the one that only lasts the night of so that you wake up hardly remembering what happened.

I have LOADS of homework to do Thursday. Don't bother me then.

So I talked to the guy in my class. He has a very unique name. I suppose this shows me that I like a type. I can pretty much pick out the kind of guy like him in any line up. He's a rocker nerd. Totally. He's into World of Warcraft and smokes weed. He recently got a license for it by claiming it helps him sleep. He's kinda a good-guy, the type who does his homework and likes things done a certain way. Lol. Makes me laugh. He's a freshman so he's much younger than me. He has a job at the tech center. Ah~ he grew up in San Fran and those blue eyes are still so enchanting. Meh, I'm not really looking for a relationship in him anymore. It's more like, "hey, who are you? what are you about?" kinda interest? I dunno... I still breathe slow after chatting with him, it's just... not that kinda "OMG I WANNA BE WITH YOU" kinda craze. Ew. I really... am not thinking about getting into another relationship. It would be fun to hangout or date, but god... I hope not a relationship so soon. I need some time.

[/ sigh] I painted my nails black, which was a nice pick-me-up. I'm irritated over my rp's, which are like NOT HAPPENING oAo and I really want something else in my life to look forward to. I have this 1 x 1 I do with Silleh which is fun but... I want more. I want multiple people to chat with. I want planning in my mind. I want pairings. I want fangasms. I want to roleplay again.

[/ sigh sigh sigh] This really hurts. I'm thinking it might also have to do with my period s**t being over - first day of the pill again. Ah, too much info again... ah well. I do that. This is my journal after all, my diary. <3

I keep such honest records cause, who knows if I would ever draw inspiration from them or use them in a writing. I can reflect on them, even the pointless ones XDD It's really comforting to me =w=

"Sometimes I wonder, if I had been prettier or made more of an effort to comfort her would she have stayed with me? Would he have loved me any more if I had been a better kisser or went on an actual date? If we had ever met in person, would he have ever went into the military? If I had been nicer would my friends from high school stayed friends with me? If the suicide stuff never got in the way, would I have graduated from St. Francis and still manage to be happy?"

Don't ask that kind of stuff of yourself, cause you are who you are. If you make mistakes you should take them into yourself and learn. You can't change the past and besides, why would you want to? Weren't there amazing moments? Those moments are paid for with the painful memories. Those mistakes are merely blips. Stuff happens, s**t's gonna hurt and you're gonna bleed somewhere along the line. We all move on. Life is good. Living is good.