It rained yesterday but it really rained today. I walked out to the store in the rain and soaked myself to the bone. I was beautiful.
I was beautiful last time and today I was a goddess.
Last night I called suicide prevention hotline and talked to someone. I cried. I hung up after exhausting myself. It felt good for someone to know. For someone to acknowledge that it might happen. It was nice. I felt so comforted by that fact. Since I cannot call my friends or family, I'll call them from now on. I think that's how it should have been from the start.
I bought myself soda and soup and cranberry juice so I'm pretty content right now. It was a pretty good day. I took pictures of myself last night too. If I do end up offing myself, at least there will be some pictures of how I was. I want to write letters and record myself too before I go. I might forgo the letters idea XDDD just cause my hands hurt from journaling nearly every night.
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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