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What's the Point in Chasing?
Setting here listening to find a way by safetysuit back to back to back, dunno why, just want to hear it. 'If I was running you'd be the one who I would been running to, if I was crying you would be lining the cloud that would pull me through, and if I was scared then I would be glad to tell you to walk away' yes it is addicting, or well it is to me. There are moments when I look back to all the choices I made that got me to this point. I can't really say I regret everything, most things? no. Some things, yes. Funny how my parents always told me to live by how I wanted, to not base my decisions on what other people will do but, its funny because if I were to do that, if I were to be true to myself, then I would probably disappoint the majority of my family. Though, I knew for a long time that with every single choice I made, that I would disappoint someone. I feel like i'm going to be stuck here, that these dreams I have will only remain dreams. There are a million things I want to do but a part of me has to think, because I am very unrealistic, that maybe it wont work. I know there will come a time when I have to wake up, that I have to base my choices on just me and no one else. I have to make my life stable and no one else can do that for me. One day I will have to leave, but I hope that I don't look or hold back because if I do, I know I won't get far. Feel like there is so much on my mind, its overwhelming, even to the point were I just want to throw up. Sometimes, I'll realize something and my breathing just gets a little faster, like there isn't enough air and i'll take a deep breath and run my fingers through my hair and i'll look around the room like i'm confused. That's how i'm feeling right now. I think i'm forgetting something and i'll try to remember but I can't. Its funny how people take things for granted, even the most simplest thing like choice. You made choices everyday, choose to do or not to do something and some things can even affect your whole life but...what happens when you don't have that choice? You can try and make it seem like it is only by your choice but in the end, some things are not and you have no control of it. Even now, the what if's are rummaging through my mind, i'm rambling so much, avoiding what is directly on my mind but it's cool because it's still there, only hidden underneath a pile of musings. I'm good at avoiding a subject, it's became a habit, I think. It wouldn't matter anyways. So many times have I heard "write out your emotions or feelings, express them, don't hide or avoid them" but to what point do you stop? Sometimes it doesn't help, expressing does not solve a problem. Maybe I wasn't meant to find that out. Why does it seem like everything is getting so impersonal? Everything is so automated or where you cant realize that there is something wrong? A stranger asks how you are, you say good or something along the lines, why? Even if your not fine or good, you say it anyways because its so automatic and impersonal. Just like a text message, you can't tell the tone unless words are obvious. When did people stop caring about their neighbor? Why are people always taking the easy way out? Why is the world divided between the rich and the poor? Why is it that people can't walk down the street at night and not be slightly nervous or cautious? I don't know what happened, but it sucks, or so I think. Heck you can't even get on facebook because there is drama in almost every post, you can't watch the news without watching something slightly depressing or something tragic. No, i'm not complaining, just pointing out what I see. 'And if I was running, and if I was crying, and if I was scared, you know i'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me'
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