Subject has nothing to do with what I'm about to write but I did "have something in my eye"....
Maybe I'm just not the one for you. Maybe I'm not even meant to be apart of your life. I'm just a kid who needs time to grow up and realize things and figure things out. I'm not the life saver. I'm not the one who can help. I've done amazing things before but no one should expect me to always do them. To some people I'm the nicest person or the least selfish person they know. I'm not always kind. I'm very selfish. I'm more of "this person" than who I want to be. I'm sorry I can't help you. I'm not the one. I probably don't deserve to be in your life. You probably don't need me and I don't for you either but I want you.
Maybe we weren't meant to be. I thought we were. We made it work somehow but then out of nowhere our separation just happened. I didn't think it would happen. Yes, we're still very young, and it probably was best because we might need experience, but you were just perfect to me. You were all I wanted. I don't care about looks when it comes to loving someone, all I care about it the beauty of the heart. But you, I actually did find you really attractive, even if people trying to help me say you aren't. I look at you and think that you aren't that great, but that's just in my head. My heart is a different story. My heart says you're gorgeous and I love every part of you. God damn I really want you back. When will you realize that this is just a phase..? Or when will I get over all of this..? Soon maybe. today you were just on my mind. Thought of when we use to do things that we shouldn't have even been thinking about because of how young we are, and how you wanted me to be your "Gamer baby" because I bought Super Smash Bros today... The game you wanted to teach me at.. so we could play together.... I'm still telling myself, "Senior year, By senior year, we'll be back.."
Last night.. I wish I talked more but I never really have anything to say anymore. Plus I got caught up listening to music. He wasn't talking much either. He was gaming, so that kept his mind busy I suppose. Around 11- close to 12, I turned my light off and got under my covers. My camera was still on so he could see me. I was listening to music, I was feeling really mellow and sleepy. I dozed off but woke up and apologized. He said it was ok "If you're tired, you're tired." He noticed I was dozing off and called it cute. I told him that he was the reason why I look forward to English everyday, he said he knew because I already told him earlier that day. I wasn't going anywhere I said, I would always be here and he said the same. He said I could always go to him if I ever need anything or anyone and I thanked him. The last thing I remembered was waking up to the noise of the skype call ending. I thought the call had failed, but when I looked at the computer, it had ended. I didn't notice the message he sent before he called. "i love you emily, goodnight." He said he loves me...but when I asked him about it this morning my response was "Of course, you're a great friend." Am I getting friendzoned or is it something else..?
I'm sorry.. we'll talk again soon..
I'm still in love with you, and I won't hesitate to say yes if you come back..
I wish we could call again, it felt really nice when we shared music links to the genre that we both have in common.
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Hopeless romantic
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