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I have been spoiled from day one. I used to get just about everything I wanted. Now the only thing I want I can't get and it is hard knowing that I probably never will. I would give anything to have the thing I want. I screwed up everything. For the first time my mom told me it was ok to cry that hurt so much she used to tell me that it was a sign of weakness. I don't like to cry, i hate crying. I'm sorry.