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I honestly dont know if anyone'll read this but stare yeah. The memories are all coming back slowly but theyre all spilling back. When im laying down, when i eat, when im at school, when im with the ones i love, even a new memory has come back while i began to write this. Theyre all being added to my album of memories and... theyre not disappearing like id hoped.

its like, at the begging i closed out all of the memories, they faded away. It was blissful. Slwoly as i just go about my life its all coming back. The words spoken, the visions, even the feelings are coming back. And its so fresh too. You know how the brain is supposed to block out bad memories. They were gone but now im digging them back up again and i don want to! mad its all so vivid, the heat of the tears staining my skin, the acid in my throat from the constant throwing up, everything!

What does it mean? Theres not a day that i dont think about... THAT now but its not painful. I just cant stop thinking about it. My drug, hehe. I need new memories, whether blissful or painful and i need them NOW! (lol i sound like that one money comercial) I look okay but im afraid im not. I dont even know how i feel, because iv become so unattached to things. I put on such a good facade for my friends and family but i know true love still lies deep in my heart.

I NEED A NEW LOVER/BEST FRIEND/CHEESBURGER!

UGH! I need to move to Washington on a bus ride while eating bacon flavored celery. Idk, it just sounds enlightening!