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111 things left on tsengs answering machine |
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twigcollins: *BEEP* "Holy ********, I have never seen a sheep fly that far before."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Hey, what's the best commercial cleaner for love stains?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "I've kicked in five doors and I still can't find the bathroom!"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "I think I'm locked in some sort of closet. There's a lot of creamed corn. I'm a little aroused."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Have you seen my wan- wait, there it is. Yeah, right there *sound of someone falling over* Heh heh heh…"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "I drunk myself blind again."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Zack did it."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Okay, boss, I'm in a trunk. I can smell pee, hops and cotton candy, which means I'm in sector four. Wait, that's my pee."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "HER NAME WAS LOLA, SHE WAS A SHOW GIRL!"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Sir, this is Elena. We're having a slight problem with the current mission. I'll have to give you a more detailed report when - OH GOD, RENO. RENO WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON YOUR HEAD?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Okay, all that bullshit they say about not feeding the bears? They might actually have something there, boss."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "WITH YELLOW FLOWERS IN HER HAIR AND A DRESS CUT DOWN TO-- HEY I'M ON FIRE!"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Do you smell ketchup? I'm totally ******** smelling ketchup right now."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Tell Zack I borrowed his blonde thing. It keeps trying to run away."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hi, I'd like to order a extra large meat lover's pizza with extra bacon. Just put it on the Turk account... oh s**t, what number--"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "WASSSSUUUUPP?"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Yeah, I'm, um, not coming in this financial quarter. Shanghaid. Can't talk. You'll see it on the news."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Why is all the rum gone?"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hello? Hello, is anyone there? This is Cloud Strife, and I need you to call Zack immediately-- he's wearing bunny slippers."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hey who the hell is this? Who the hell am I?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "I’m Reno the Turk I am, Reno the Turk I am, I am, I got married to the hooker next door, she’s been married seven times before..."
twigcollins: *BEEP* *very muffled* "Holy s**t, someone shoved his PHS all the way up -"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hey Tseng, I want you to tell me what it sounds like being fed to a rhino. Oh yeah, I'm going to need another phone."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "So, like, I think I just accidentally joined a travelling circus in the freak show section… hey, did you know they have better health benefits than us?"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Okay, I appear to be... in orbit. Luckily, I am still drunk."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "I'm out of pants but I'm improvising. I'll buy you a new doormat, I swear."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Do you remember when Elena asked why so many things in Midgar were flame-retardant?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Hey, boss, do you know the airspeed velocity of an unladen chocobo? Does it change if it's on fire?"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hoo boy, I ain't never seen one of those explode before - s**t, my phone is on." *click*
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "And every one was an Reno, Reno, she wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam, no Sam, I'm her eighth old man, I'm Reno the Turk I am…"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "When they ask, I was in Junon."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "So, uh, I had these Mentos and this thing of Coke and..."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "836 cans to fill a room entirely with shaving cream. Kickass."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "By the way, that was Elena who charged 836 cans of shaving cream on the company card."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "She also charged the keg. And those hookers."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "I stole that beer truck for mission purposes. Also drank the beer. It was a successful mission."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Okay, so it's a black-tie affair, but all I can find is my black tie. So I figure, that's better than nothing. I'll meet you at the party."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Kreegah! Bundalo!"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hey, is this a grenade pin? Where the hell is - ah, s**t." *signal lost*
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Reeenoooo's... not... heeeere... maaaaan."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Don't use his phone yet, we're not done rolling him for cash!"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Hey, boss, could you Google the current free market value of a human kidney for me?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "R-E-N-O-um, s**t, wait, Reno, uh, oh ******** it, Reno the Turk I am, I am, Reno the Turk I am…"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "You will never believe what got stuck up my nose."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "This is the second most guns I've ever had pointed at me."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hey, when did I get a vasectomy?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Hello? Who is this? I didn't order any hookers for tonight. Hello?"
twigcollins: *BEEP* " I just named my nipples."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Hey, I just won a case race but I think I'm going to--" *blargh*
twigcollins: *BEEP* *blargh*
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Okay, okay, I'm good-- no--" *BLAAAAAAAARGH*
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hey, Tseng, what did your car look like?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Did you know that Sephiroth has a pit-trap in his office? Also, I need a ladder."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hey, you will never guess where my other hand is."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Hey, I'm on a plane. There are snakes."
twigcollins: *BEEP* " ... but it's a pretty shallow grave so I'm pretty sure I can just gnaw my way out, boss."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Tseng, it's on fire again."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "I have a tire iron. You don't need to come and get me, I'll be fine."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Goddamnit, how do you switch this thing to vibrate?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "I need a robot double of me, and I need it by Tuesday."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Is all that blood mine?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Hello, this is the Sector Four STD clinic, calling in regards to… um, a Mr. Leonard Wangtabulous. This was the most legible phone number on his paperwork which appears to have been filled out with… uh, mustard. Mr. Wangtabulous, please call us or come visit our clinic promptly, we have serious news to discuss with you about your results."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Tseng, can you just forward my next paycheck to the bar again?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "My trousers are full of chowder."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Uh, I think I have acquired a chest of cursed pirate gold and I think there might be-- s**t, hold on."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "So how good of shape does a liver really have to be in to sell it?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Mr. Wangtabulous, this is the Sector Four STD clinic again. Please return our calls or visit us at your earliest convenience, we really need to speak with you about your results. We'll also have to speak with anyone you've been in close contact with ever since your visit."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "You got to help me figure something out. Am I a zombie?"
twigcollins: "*BEEP* "I'm BLIIIIIIND-- wait, I just had my pants on my head."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "You know, Russian Roulette's not that dangerous of a game..."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "This is the Sector Four STD Clinic. Seriously, Mr. Wangtabulous. If you do not contact us soon, you might need to start looking into funeral homes. As it is, if you come in now, we still might be able to save one of your testicles."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Hey, uh, this is Zack, and uh, if you haven't already seen the evening news, you might want to turn it on now, and also, that was totally not me holding the goat's leash in the background."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "I mean, boss, the fact that I remember what day of the week it is and am almost sober should count for something."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "It is Tuesday, right?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Dude, boss, you'll never guess what I just found out-- bacon comes from pigs."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "The Last Will and Testament of Reno the Turk, I leave everything to my twenty-three illegitimate... wait I can feel my toes again, never mind."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hey boss, can you tell me how to drive a zepplin like, really, really fast?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Do you know anyone who needs a used Zamboni for Christmas?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "…This is Sephiroth. By the time you return this call, I will have probably already killed your subordinate. If you want to claim any remaining parts, please return my call and leave a message."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "And I will be confiscating his wallet to cover the damages."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "I shot a man just to watch him die. Also, he was blocking the bar's television."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Mr. Wangtabulous, this is the Sector Four STD Clinic. If you are still alive, please do not come anywhere near us. In fact, please keep at least a fifty mile radius away from our facility. Have a good day."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Also, if you experience any itching, burning, seepage, or laser eyes, please just get away from anywhere populated."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hey boss, I didn't find Avalanche but I found this kangaroo... and a hooker. Don't worry, it was totally dead before I ever got there."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Also, I need a good recipe for marinade."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hey Tseng, remember how you said there's no way even I could get eaten by a monster twice... oh, and by the way I borrowed your watch."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Do you know how many toads you have to lick before you can get high? Hypothetically, I mean."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Tseng, do you know how to lift a voodoo curse?"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Can I just reattach someone else's finger if I can't find mine?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Uh, I think Rufus found out about his yacht. I'll just hang out in Corel for the next couple months. Yeah... "
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Hey, which kind of alcohol is the one you're not supposed to drink because I might not be in to work tomorrow."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "--GOT A DINOSAUR THIS IS AWESOME I'LL BRING IT RIGHT OVER!!!!!"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Okay, Tseng, so I ate this burrito that was like a foot long, but then I found out it wasn't a burrito after all."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Rude really needs to get over the whole Icy-Hot thing. Also, someone needs to cut me down from the flagpole."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "I got my hand caught in a thing. A thing. Listen, how fast can you get to the zoo?"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Are sea turtle bites poisonous? How long is it usually before they let go?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Tseng, I'm in bat country."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "********! VENDING! MACHINE! GIVE! ME! BACK! MY! SHOES!"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Ah cuh fih sehutee oeeos ih muh mouf ah ons!" *GLUMPH* "Yeah, okay, I can fit seventeen Oreos in my mouth at once!"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "I've been kneecapped."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "Kneecapped again."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "They're all out of towels in the locker room, so tell Elena I used her spare blouse. Don't worry, I totally hung it back up again in her locker afterwards."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "--like I just s**t a whole pineapple and I'm puking highlighter yellow and maybe I shouldn't have humped that desk in Hojo's lab."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "Sir, it's Elena. I can't come in tomorrow, I have to scour all my skin off."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "How many times does this have to happen before I get on the company insurance?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "How come Zack gets underaged jailbait and all I get is Rude?"
twigcollins: *BEEP* "You can mix coffee grounds and vodka, right?"
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "I'm in a cake. I think it has coconut frosting."
twigcollins: *BEEP* "I want one of those blonde things Zack has for my birthday."
ThorneScratch: *BEEP* "I've got a bag with, uh, sixty three loose teeth. Do you think if I leave them under my pillow, I'll get enough cash to buy an mp3 player?"
 VincentAlexanderValentine · Fri Apr 16, 2010 @ 04:16am · 0 Comments |
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