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and actuall journal entry: 3/18/07

jeeze, thanks dad for confirming my worst fears- no1's gunna want me.

i sorta see where he's coming from, i got a few to many pimples, but i dont think its as bad as he says

i feel another bout of depression coming on

sometimes the zits come out of the middle of nowhere and it takes a while to get rid of them
cant wait to go to college so i can take care of break outs on my own with out him making me feel like crap

ah shiet, i dont deserve love
why'd i ask phil to find me someone???i dont derseve anyone right now. happiness at all????

bah! who needs happiness/to be loved?? as long as you have enough money to buy and large house and fill it with expensive stuff, you dont need anyone. hell, wait long enough and technology can create your perfect guy. i can hold out that long....ya right (major sarcasm)

whats this feeling??sort of a noble "dont need anything from life i cant buy" sorta thing. gotta know thats a lie

a poem:
i weep silently in my bed. his hars words repeating in my mind and cutting my soul like daggers. i being to believe what he said. im tempted to rip the pictures of my immature fantasy off the wall, realizing it was childish and should be abandoned like everything else i thought i loved.he convinced me it'll never happen

p.s:
i know i do a lot of complaining about my dad, but hes actually not that bad. he just tends to be pessimistic(sp) and over-dramatic. and can express things in a harsh way sometimes. but besides that, he really not as annoying as some other people i know