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and actual journal entry 3/31/07

well, that was a waste of a saturday: karate tournament
no trophy, and they force fed us history with some stupid reinactment(sp) about mongols and how they fought

plus: i basically got shot down....
i saw this cute guy(i think i heard the judges in the weopons ring say Riley)and he had a 'weapon' ao i went up to him and asked what it was, and he told me 'bo' but it was in a 'you should know that, random girl i dont know, and dont want to' sorta way, and then he just kept heading toward the door...i supose i should tried to say something before he was getting ready to go.
i dont think the lack of clarity on my face could have been the problem, he wasnt very clear either....he was so cute

ofcourse i was crying in the car-mom wasnt helping, saying stuff about how there will be alot of guys i think are cute, and i should stop whining,get over it,grow up, i'll learn from somthing like this...stuff that really didnt help my problem.
ya, ill learn: not to talk to cute guys.
im so shy...the first time i try to talk to a guy, he just sorta keeps doing his own thing once he's replied.
so now im like, never gunna do that again, so i dont make my esteem any worse than it already is.

it was really pointless for me to do that, now im probably more shy than i already was, and it'll prolly make me think im not good enough for anyone.
and after thought "jeeze, sorry for asking a** hole"
hmm, maybe i was all red with nerves, or he was creeped out by my random-nes....maybe i shoulda been in my uniform (i had changed when i was done competing)
prolly shoulda said something else- something not so random??something to let him know i was in the association too?
never gunna find anyone...ill just be alone for all eternity, whatever.
i guess it was good that i tried, but now i feel like crap


sweatdrop
emo