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My brains vomitorium.
Please consult doctor before use, Ray is not for everyone, side effects may include; distrust, disdain, anger, pitty, loathing, and meloncoly...
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If I havn't said it once, I've said it a million times. I should never second guess myself. I really shouldn't. I just ******** new it, and I guess I didn't want to believe myself. It's not bad at all though, better then it could be. It's ok. It's ok. I learned a lot tonight. I just hope I remember it. I... don't know what to think of it yet. Hopfully it'll all make sense soon. I don't know if I feel more lost or not, I'm thinking not. I do feel slightly fulfilled. Beck you ********, what a fitting song.. It's like an ending to a movie or something. The end of the day, finishing up something... a nice closing song to an interesting day. By the way, if anybody does read this, can you help me find a Poem by the name of Iris, or relates to an Iris in some way. In the 19th century, it's kind of important. God I feel a lot lighter. The only thing is I don't know if it's american poetry or not. Things make more sense... my paranoid thoughts are actually what's true. CRAZY! When it happens though I don't acknowledge it, so when I start to it won't work anymore. And apparently I'm gonna be here forever, or close to it.
You know what else is crazy, reincarnation... ******** spelling. I think I do believe in it, but it's a bit disheartening because you really don't remember much from your past life. In my case apparently I don't remember anything, I don't think I've learned anything. Time to remedy that. If reincarnation is true, and I've been following a trend in each one... I think it's about time to change that. I just have to understand what some of my rituals are and change it. Simple as that. Just need to be careful not to change something that's good, makes me, me.
I hate secrets! Even when I know them... rofl I knew it.
Do keepers.. hm, are keepers capable of loving something else then what they're ment to protect and watch over? If so, wouldn't that distract them from their lifes charge to gaurd they're objective.
I'm getting kinda confused.. @_@ I need a few more of them there therapy sessions with them there fellows, and lady. I'm extatic, I feel like I could shock people with my touch. Oh... I still have cat ears on.
Am I a servent? Charged with the duty of putting other before me? Severing the world and it's in habitants till the end of my days? Or am I just a butler of a specific few, to make their time here as good as possible. Just a stepping stone for other to get to a higher existence, a better being? Am I, whatever power that may be, am I their tool? If I am then why do I feel the need for self fulfillment, would I just serve? With out question. And by doing things for others, does that actually make me feel better cause I'm doing it for them, or cause I'm serving the master hand. Or is it even my feeling of accomplishment. I think I lift people up above where they are now. I like to think I make people better, but what's in it for me? When is it my turn, when do I get something? Or as a tool I get nothing because tools have no need for anything? What if I'm just a harbor for souls, restless spirits within people. They come to me to dock and reload, fix up and shove off. In essence, a tool. This is a lot for a little hand like mine to grasp at this time. I just hope I'll be able to understand it all one day. Hopefully long before I die, whenever that may be. Lastly... am I a good person?
~Melly out
 melidserke · Fri Oct 21, 2005 @ 07:01am · 1 Comments |
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